Hope For The Hopeless
by Evenstar1002
Summary: "That night, Charlie had seemed so innocent and vulnerable that a monster like him shouldn't even be allowed to walk close to her." Picks up after episode 7. My take on what happened aside from what we got to see on TV. *MARLIE* Rating may change later on...
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This ship is slowly turning into a veeeeery (un)healthy obsession of mine. While I should be in college right now, I sit here, dreaming about Marlie, publishing this fic... But hey, the coldness and snowy, rainy weather is a good excuse, right?_

_Anyway... This is a little one-shot set right after episode 7 (The Children's Crusade). And yes, this is a Miles/Charlie fic. I swear, the writers and actors make us ship them on purpose! Otherwise there wouldn't be so much UST. With that being said... Enjoy the fic :) _

_This is for entertainment only, no copyright infringement intended, you know the drill.  
_

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**Hope For The Hopeless**

Your head leans against the trunk of a tree, while you watch the tiny flames of that campfire you had built earlier dancing. You should probably get up and find some more wood to keep the fire burning but you just don't have it in you to move. Every inch you'd move away from here would mean one inch too far away from _her_. The soothing warmth of the flames does nothing to calm the erratic beating of your heart or to relax the clenching of your fists or to free you from the bitter coldness that has you chilled to the bone.

A rush of emotions runs through you. Fury, pain, anger, desperation, wrath, self-loathing, confusion. They make you want to run. Away. Into _her_ arms. And then even farther away. They make you want to scream in agony. Make you want to kill the next best person crossing your way. They also make you want to cry. Oh yes, how you would love to cry. For yourself. For _her_. You haven't been crying in a very long time, never really felt the need for it. Neither when the person you really cared about broke up with you. Nor when you deserted your best friend. Or when you heard about the death of your big brother. It all paled in comparison to those feelings evoked in you because of what had happened to _her_ that day. Before you can stop yourself, your eyes wander to that beautiful creature lying right next to you, tonight a little closer than ever before. You would only have to reach out and you'd be able to touch her delicate hand. To entwine your fingers with hers. Maybe her warmth could chase the ice from your veins?

But for even thinking such thoughts you want to beat yourself because _clearly_ these are not thoughts an uncle should have about his niece. And yet, there is nothing you can do about it. From the moment she had walked into your pub, everything about her has captivated you. Her spirit, her strength, her fierceness, her assertiveness (or are you just too weak to deny her anything?), her stubbornness, her determinedness, the light in her eyes, the way she looks at you and treats you (even in moments where she had just heard what kind of monster you are). What is there not to (love) admire?

The moon above you rises higher and higher, illuminating the little meadow you've found shelter in for the night in a silvery light. A light breeze blows through the trees, its leaves rustling and some of them floating silently to the ground. You pull your favorite khaki jacket a little closer around your body to try to keep yourself from shivering, ignoring the fact that it isn't even that cold to begin with.

That's when you hear a slight groan and immediately your mind is on alert and focused on the woman before you. You watch her as she moves, coming to lie on her side, facing you. The white bandage wrapped around her right wrist is shining like a neon sign that says YOU ARE A MONSTER and THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT and STAY AWAY FROM ME. And you almost believe those signs. After all, if it weren't for you, things like the militia or soldier factories or the Monroe Republic would not exist.

But then, lately, when _she_ looks at you with those big blue eyes of hers, full of warmth, forgiveness and affection, that's when you feel that tiny little flame called hope awaken in your soul. That maybe down that long and stony road, there might be redemption for you after all.

Your eyes scan the meadow, making sure that your companions are still asleep, before you slowly and very quietly leave your tree and lie down next to _her_, just a tiny little too close as is deemed necessary for relatives. You look for the strength within you to battle whatever kind of feelings you held for that young woman. Deep inside your heart you know that it goes beyond any kind of feelings an uncle should have for his niece, that it goes beyond anything you have ever felt before. And you know that it is wrong, not just because of her being your dead brother's daughter but because feelings like those _always_ meant having a weakness that is bound to bring down even the strongest man. And you can _not_ afford that, not when the destination of that journey is killing your best friend. You need to get your act together, be strong and tough, just like the whole world sees you. Let them think you are still the ruthless killer (which you sometimes (are) have to be, for her) who doesn't care about anything but (her) yourself.

Yes, that is exactly what you are going to do. Get yourself together and be what she needs you to be. You just want to touch her one more time, before you will try and get some distance between you two. And so you reach out, your finger slightly hovering over the bandage, tracing the brand (that should so absolutely not be there, which just another item on your list of sins for which you're going to hate yourself forever) . The moment you finger touches her, she opens her eyes. They don't look sleepy or tired at all and you wonder for how long she might have been awake already. Did she even fall asleep?

You look like a deer caught in the headlights and you don't know what to do, what to say or how to react. Everything in you screams to close the distance between you two but you know very well that you can never do that because it would destroy whatever she sees in you. So you slowly withdraw your hand, only to be held back by _her_, which sends a surge of fire through your body. She lies her hand over yours and places them both on the tissue covering her brand, looking at you with that special look she seems to have reserved only for you.

Feelings and emotion run through your body and brain, and suddenly you want to do and say so many things but when she looks at you like that, open and trusting, (love and) gratitude and admiration in her eyes, what could a man possibly say? Especially when your eyes lead a silent conversation all by themselves anyways?

Your breath hitches - and you feel like a fool for feeling like a 14-year old boy again when you should be the grown-up here – as she carefully leans in, testing the water. You try to resist, should be resisting with everything you have in you. But you just can not do it. And then it happens, there, in the silvery golden light of the moon and the fire, she kisses you. And it's fireworks and birthdays and Christmases all in one. It's like coming home after a hard and exhausting journey. It's relaxing like smoking your favorite kind of cigar and intoxicating like drinking your favorite kind of single malt whiskey. It's warm and cold and earth-shattering. It's wild like a tornado and calm as the sea. It's innocent and hot and passionate. And then, it's not like any of these things but so so _so_ much better.

You never want it to stop and yet you know that it has to. After what felt like eternity – maybe it has been two eternities? – you break the kiss, trying to catch your breath. You look at her with wide eyes and are again at a loss of words. Not that there could anything be said about such a kiss anyways. Maybe you should scold her for such a behavior? Tell her that something like this could never happen again? (After all it was you who decided to stay tough and strong). But then _she_ moves even closer, her head nuzzling against your bent arm, only slightly touching it before finding a comfortable position. With a shy smile, that is _so her_, she closes her eyes and within moments, her breath evens out and the slow and steady rhythm of her breathing pulls you into a deep slumber before you even get the chance to overthink what had just happened.

It's the first night in forever your dreams aren't plagued with blood, weapons and death but with a beautiful golden-haired angel.

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_A/N: If you liked the fic (or even if you didn't like it), would you be so kind to let me know? That would be totally awesome of you!_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: First off, I want to thank you all so much for your kind words on my fic! While it was intended as a one-shot back when I wrote it, I decided (thanks to you guys :D) that I want to give this whole thing a try. _

_And you know what? I've been having a tinnitus for almost three months now (it nearly drove me out of my mind) and the doc said that he couldn't do anything about it because I've just been too stressed out. And by some miracle, ever since I started writing again about a week ago… The tinnitus is (almost) gone :-D Isn't Marlie the best medicine?_

_But I'm not gonna bore you any longer now… Enjoy the next chapter :) _

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**Chapter 2**

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The moment she kissed his lips, Miles felt it was _wrong. _He tried - he really did - cupping her face with his hand and really giving in to that kiss. But there were no butterflies anymore. And thinking back to their last kiss, Miles didn't even know if there ever had been butterflies or if it was all just a nice but slowly fading dream.

When Nora broke the good-bye kiss, Miles couldn't even really look into her eyes. Instead, his gaze wandered to the blond-haired woman standing right next to him. Their eyes only locked for a second, before Charlie looked to Aaron, into the sky, to the ground, anywhere but him. But it only took that one second for Miles to see the hurt and pain written all over her face. And he hated himself for it because hurting Charlie is the last thing he ever wanted to do.

After that one fateful night a couple of days ago, both Charlie and Miles silently agreed on not bringing the topic up again. They both had to concentrate on getting Danny back and trying to figure out what was going on between them was a distraction neither could afford right then. So Charlie and Miles acted as if the kiss never happened. After a couple of days, Charlie removed the white bandage around her wrist and with it also removed the last reminder of why they had even ended up in a situation that led to that (breathtaking, earth-shattering, unforgettable) kiss.

But seeing the expression on Charlie's face right then broke another tiny little piece of his already tortured heart. Before anyone could notice anything, he turned his attention back to Nora. He would miss her that was for sure. He could always count on her and trust her having his back. The feeling of knowing that someone else was there to take care of their little group always made him feel a little saver. Not that either Charlie or Aaron needed protection per se but eight eyes and hands were still better than six.

That was proven only moments later, after Nora and Mia had said their good-byes, when the three of them made their way through the woods towards Philadelphia. Miles should have known better than to think he would get away from Strausser that easily. And he shouldn't have been surprised when the bullets came flying towards them. All he could do before getting shot was grab Charlie's arm to pull her with him behind that old and rusty car.

Hearing Strausser's voice, even after all that time, still scared the shit out of him. But it was no longer only himself he was scared for but also for Charlie, who crouched down next to him. He needed to get Strausser away from there, for he knew what he would do to Charlie if he got his hands on her. So while Charlie's hand holding on to his thigh shot a lightning through his bones, leaving a burning mark on his skin, he knew that he had to go with the militia. With an intense, heated gaze Miles looked down first at her hand, then at Charlie directly before he screamed: "Hold your fire! I'm coming out!"

Miles could hear her whisper his name in fear, felt her eyes burning into his back as he moved around the car, with his hands held high. There was nothing he could do now. Besides, it was finally time to face the one man who had always scared him, anyways.

* * *

After the four of them finally could get out of the water a couple of miles down the river, they walked for another hour, deep into the forest, just to make sure that no one could possibly have followed them. It was only when they were absolutely certain that they were alone that they finally set camp for the night. They immediately built a fire to dry their wet clothes, not wanting to risk any of them catching a cold.

That evening, each and every one fought his or her own demons. Aaron was drowning his guilt for losing the pendant with the flask that never seemed to get empty, while Nora was still mad at herself for trusting her sister so carelessly. Miles was his usual self, deeply in thoughts and staring into the flames, while Charlie sat on the other side of the campfire across from him.

How many more times would they get in so much trouble, barely escaping death before they could finally rescue Danny? Or would they run out of luck one of these days and just get captured? Tortured? Killed? Charlie, leaning against a dead tree trunk, pulled her knees close to her body, resting her arms and her head on them, watching the red and golden flames as the sizzling noise calmed her nerves. The feeling of always being in danger, never being able to relax or letting your guard down, the constant threat of anyone – _especially her u… Miles_ – being killed at any second was slowly getting to her. And yet, Charlie refused to give up. These people around her risked everything just to help her, the least she could do was being strong. Because that is exactly who she was. Not being strong, or a fighter, or giving up has never been an option in the past and sure as hell would not be now.

It was that moment, when Charlie's and Miles' eyes met over the fire. They both stared intensely at each other and every sound around them – the wind, the fire, the heavy breathing of Aaron, the chirping of crickets – ceased to exist. The last couple of days they had succeeded in not getting caught up in such a moment but now that it happened they both had a hard time breaking the contact. God only knew what they'd have done had they been alone.

After a few seconds or minutes, Miles finally looked down, clearing his throat and getting up from his place on the ground. Without looking at Charlie again he announced that he would be back again soon. Nora looked after him concerned but did nothing to stop him. That's why after another moment of hesitation, Charlie finally got up.

"He shouldn't be out there alone," Charlie said and moved into the direction where Miles disappeared into the forest.

"If anyone can take care of himself, it's Miles," Nora replied, eying Charlie suspiciously.

"I know. I still don't want him to be on his own though," Charlie answered and before anyone could stop her, she followed Miles into the trees.

It was almost pitch black and Miles was nowhere in sight, even though he couldn't have more than two minutes head start. Charlie carefully wandered deeper into the wood, the light of the fire behind her slowly fading to black. She tried to listen for any sound, footsteps maybe or rustling of leaves, but it was all quiet. And while she was still trying to adjust her eyes to the darkness, a cold hand suddenly gripped her upper arm and pushed her harshly against the tree right beside her.

"Dammit, Charlie! What the hell are you doing?"

The sudden movement and growling scared her for a second but the moment she realized it was Miles, she relaxed considerably. He still held on to her tightly, his body coming dangerously close to hers. The heat of his body swept over Charlie in waves and made her dizzy.

"You can't just wander off all on your own," Miles said threateningly, his jaw tight.

"You are one to talk…" Charlie only replied, and while she should probably be a little more scared of him, considering how angry he was, she couldn't concentrate on anything else besides him being (way too) close to her. The tiny space between them sizzled with energy.

"Careful now, kid," Miles said, his voice raspy as he moved even closer, his body pushing Charlie against the tree just enough to not hurt her.

Charlie was trapped now, behind her the tree pierced her back while on the front Miles' covered her entire length. They stared at each other, Miles angry and agitated, Charlie calm and expectantly. She could almost see the battle that was going on inside of Miles, as his heated gaze was fixated on her.

And when Miles finally leaned in, it didn't really come as a surprise for Charlie. But before his lips even touched hers, Charlie moved her head to the side, Miles coming into contact with her cheek. A deep grumble erupted from deep within his chest and out of reflex, his hand smashed against the tree next to Charlie's head.

"What the…" Miles started, taking a deep breath, before looking at her confused.

Charlie returned his insistent gaze. "Tell me if I'm wrong but… the other day… there was _something_ between you and me. But you didn't wanna talk about it. And then today… You kiss Nora like there is no tomorrow? Sorry, Miles, but I'm not going to sit by and watch you jump from one woman to the next."

Miles didn't know what to say, as he stared at her incredulously. So instead of saying anything, his hand touched her chin roughly but still with care, making it impossible for her to move. Before she could protest or say another word, Miles' lips crashed down on hers.

He kissed her hungrily, his body pushing even harder against hers. Again, he was mesmerized at how perfectly they fit together, how every curve of her body aligned with his. Charlie grabbed Miles' shoulders for support, as his hands moved down her body, coming to rest on her hips. She returned the kiss with the same hunger, lust and passion that Miles was feeling. His lips moved expertly over hers, his tongue seeking entrance into her mouth. She didn't hesitate and welcomed him greedily, triggering another deep growl from him. And when Miles put one leg between hers, making room for him, they were suddenly closer than ever before. Charlie could feel his arousal pressing into her stomach and every ounce of blood shot from her head right down to her center. Charlie had never needed anything – _anyone_ - more than she needed Miles in that moment. She would have given everything just to get even closer to him. But then, as suddenly as it began, it ended. Miles broke away, panting heavily. His eyes were on fire and Charlie wished that he would just keep going, delivering her from that almost painful pull in her stomach.

"That, Charlie, was a kiss like there is no tomorrow, understand? But seeing as you don't even know the difference between these two, clearly tells me that we shouldn't be doing this in the first place," Miles said and Charlie could have sworn that he almost sounded sad behind all the conviction and calmness. "Go back to the camp. I'll join you in a minute."

"But…"

"Will you _ever_ listen to me? Go!" And without another word, Charlie left him standing in the darkness.

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_Feedback and constructive criticism is always welcome :) Thank YOU, truly, from the bottom of my heart!_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Thanks again so much to everyone who reviewed the last two chapters! In case you didn't know: YOU ROCK!_

_I promise that this fic will get an actual plot as soon as I've dealt with the last two episodes. Since this one is already my Kashmir "rewrite", we only have one more chapter to go until we get to the point where my mind will run free. Just so you're warned ;)_

_Without further ado: Chapter 3_

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**Chapter 3**

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Every sip of that way-too-strong, self-brewed alcohol tore down a piece of the wall Miles had built around himself with every step they got closer to Philly. He didn't even do it on purpose either though after what had happened in the forest with Charlie, he knew things couldn't continue like that.

But now, with the skyline of Philadelphia right before him, his brain clouded from the booze, it all came crumbling down, emotions slowly crawling to the surface. Not just his suppressed feelings for Charlie but even more so the fear of maybe having to face Monroe. What would it be like to finally look him in the eyes again? What would Bass have to say to him? Would he be able to kill him this time around if it came down to it? And who was he kidding anyway? Knowing his best friend, he probably kept Danny close by his side and if they wanted to get to Danny, they would have to get past Monroe. He shouldn't even hope that it could go down any other way.

As Miles staggered aimlessly through the camp, his eyes found Charlie, who sat alone on a rusty box, gazing over the plain towards their destination. They hadn't really talked since the other day and more than once had been asked by either Nora or Aaron (sometimes even both of them) why they were acting so strangely. Ensuring them that they were okay and just stressed because of what lay ahead, their friends soon stopped asking.

And what could Charlie and Miles actually have said to each other? That night, Charlie had seemed so innocent and vulnerable that a monster like him shouldn't even be allowed to walk close to her. So he kept his distance. But, God, did he miss her. He hadn't seen her smile since that night, the warm light in her eyes seeming to have become extinct and Miles hated how things were between them. With the alcohol in his blood, it all seemed so easy now and he couldn't even remember how things had ended up like that.

Taking another sip, Miles made his way through the eating and chatting people, over to the woman that constantly plagued his mind.

"'ey," he said nonchalantly, not being able to come up with a more witty thing to say.

"Hey…" Charlie replied and watched him as he gulped down another shot of booze. "Maybe you should take it easy with that?"

"Why would I do that?" _When it makes this whole damn situation so much easier to handle, _he added silently.

"It's a big day tomorrow," was Charlie's cautious answer, which rewarded her with a halfhearted laugh. "What?"

Miles took the seat opposite of her, at first looking anywhere but at her. "Nah… Forget it…"

"No… Just say it, come on." Charlie wanted to know.

"Well, you gotta be realistic, Charlie. Odds are, we're all gonna die tomorrow." _And I will never have had the chance to tell you how much you mean to me._

"Yeah well, you'll figure it out. You always do." Her faith in him humbled him and even after everything that has happened, Charlie was still trusting and supporting him. _How could she be such an amazing woman?_

"What makes you so sure I know what I'm doing? What makes you so sure I ever did?" Miles said but didn't know what he wanted to hear from her. And even with the alcohol surging through his veins he knew that they shouldn't be treating that ground. As Miles looked at her, the silence stretching between them, another blond haired person, who he had tried to ignore, popped up in his head. As if dealing with Charlie wasn't already hard and confusing enough.

"What if Monroe is in our way, huh? What if I gotta go face to face with him? What then?" Miles voiced the one fear he felt comfortable sharing with her. And he knew that he shouldn't even be doing that, for it meant letting her even closer into his heart. But once he had said it, once those ghosts were out in the open, they weren't so scary anymore. From the look on Charlie's face though he could tell that she had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

"What do you mean?" Charlie looked at him expectantly. Miles contemplated for a second if he should say more but came to the conclusion that he probably shouldn't worry her even more.

"Never mind." Miles just replied and stood up. He knew that if he stayed, he'd probably bare his soul to her. Miles could hear her say his name, trying to stop him, but he just kept on walking, oblivious to her staring sadly into thin air.

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Even without turning around, Miles felt her the second she entered the room. After their little talk, Miles had retreated to one of the upper rooms of the old warehouse. He needed space and time for himself, trying to get mentally prepared (as mentally prepared as he could get with his foggy mind) for what was to come the following day. It shouldn't have come as a surprise that Charlie had followed him once again.

Miles stood at the open window with his back to her, fresh night air streaming into the room.

"Hey…" Charlie started retentively. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Why wouldn't I be?" Miles replied, his shoulders suddenly tense.

"I don't know… You tell me?"

At that, Miles turned around slowly, his eyes immediately finding hers. She looked worried, even though that was exactly what he had tried to avoid.

"Shouldn't you try to get some sleep?" Miles tried to distract her from her actual question.

"I can't. Too much going on in my head," Charlie replied and Miles knew exactly how she was feeling.

"It's all gonna be okay." Miles said but didn't sound very convincing.

"Yeah, sure." Charlie agreed, just as convincingly.

They stared at each other in silence. "Look… I'm sorry for the way I treated you those last couple of days. I had no idea that this whole Philly thing would bother me so much. There's just so much history here…"

"I understand that… You could have just talked to me, you know. I'd have listened."

"I know, Charlie." Miles said, eying her curiously as she moved further into the room, closer towards him. Too weak and tired to protest, he watched Charlie until she came to a halt right in front of him. How could any men withstand such a beautiful creature?

"I also wanted to apologize for what happened in the forest," he continued, his voice suddenly turning an octave deeper.

"The first or the second time?" Charlie said forthrightly, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"God, Charlie. You'll be the death of me one of these days." Miles replied as his hand reached forward, grabbing her hip to pull her closer.

"At least you'll die happy," was Charlie's answer before she added an "I hope?"

Miles could only chuckle and it was a strange sound, even for him. "I probably would, yeah."

Charlie wrapped her arms around him, watching his face for any sign of rejection. "We shouldn't be doing this…" Miles whispered, before leaning in and kissing her softly for just a moment.

"I know…" Charlie whispered back, touching her lips to his again. "I just can't help the way I'm feeling about.."

"Sshhh…" Miles stopped her, laying a finger on her lips, that he quickly replaced with his mouth to steal another kiss from her.

"There is just too much going on right now. We can not let ourselves get swept up in this," he said, his index finger moving between the two of them. "We need to concentrate on getting Danny back, that should be our main goal. And then we'll go from there, okay? Assuming that we survive…"

Charlie nodded silently before she lay her head against his chest, leaving Miles breathless. How did they turn from not touching to embracing like that now in the matter of a heartbeat? Where were those damn walls when you needed them? Miles blamed it all on the alcohol. Not that he seemed to be able to escape her persistency anyway.

"I'm not sorry… you know… for what happened…" Charlie murmured into his chest and Miles buried his nose in her hair, inhaling her unique sent and savoring the moment just one second longer.

* * *

When Charlie lay on the ground unconsciously, blood streaming down the side of her face, it took Miles everything he had in him not to start crying. He had barely recovered from the shock of Charlie stepping on that freaking mine and then he had to watch her getting shot, falling lifelessly to the ground.

Miles hovered over her quiet body, his hand softly touching her face. This was _not_ happening. Not now. How was he supposed to go on without her?

"I need you to... to open your eyes…" Miles said pleadingly, not even caring that Aaron and Nora were watching him.

If she didn't open her eyes soon, he was sure he would break something. Repeatedly, he called her name, begging her to wake up and to open her eyes. Never in his entire life had he felt more devastated and so hopeless. How could he have let that happen?

"Hey… I am going to get Danny back… I promise. You can count on me, okay? But I need _you _to open your eyes!"

Taking an oath that he would tell her all that for real if she just opened her eye, he silently added: d_on't leave me. Please, Charlie. I can't live in a world without you. Please, I need you by my side. You have to open your eyes! There are so many things... That I have to tell you... To show you... Please, wake up... _Tears welled up in his eyes.

"Dammit, Charlie!" _Don't do that to me! I lo…_

After what seemed like an eternity, her eyelids finally started to flitter, blue finding brown in an instant. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, relief flooding his body.

"Hey, kid. You okay?"

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_A/N__: Instead of begging you for a review today (*cough*PLEASE*cough*review*cough*) I have a rec for you: Billy Burke's album "Removed"... Seriously. His voice will be the death of me. If you don't hear from me again, it probably happened. If you do decide to check it out, let me know how you've liked it, okay?_

_To be continued...  
_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Have I mentioned that you guys ROCK? No? Cause you really really do! If it weren't for you guys, I'd probably have given up already. I can't believe that fic is already four chapters (over 7000 words/18 pages) long. And with everything that's going on in my head, there are many more chapters to come._

_So thank you again to everyone (especially to those whom I couldn't thank personally) who reviewed my last chapters!_

_Oh, and MarlieJ: The "cave" is for you ;)  
_

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**Chapter 4**

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Kipling was the first person, Miles thought of when looking for a safe spot in Philadelphia. They all could need one last peaceful night before facing whatever hell they had in store for them. With a little help from Nora, it was way too easy to get into Kipling's apartment, who showed no resistance whatsoever.

After they had settled in, Kipling, who sat nervously in the middle of the room with a hand around his drink, asked: "Why the hell did you come back?"

Miles was quiet for a moment, thinking really hard of what to say. How could he explain coming back to face his worst nightmare to a person who used to know him? And how could he make him believe?

"Hard to explain. Things are different now," Miles finally replied and hoped against better judgment that Kipling would be satisfied with the answer.

But, of course, he wasn't. "How?"

Miles stared at Kipling helplessly, before his eyes found Charlie. Her head was already turned in his direction and she smiled tentatively at him, until she broke the eye contact, a blush creeping up her cheeks. The moment passed and Miles found himself facing reality again. "I don't know. Things are just different."

Whatever Kipling had seen, it seemed to have satisfied him this time around. Not that the next question was any easier to answer. "So what happens when you come face to face with Monroe, hm?"

Looking at his friend again, Miles tried to sound as convincing as he could. "I probably have to kill him."

With everyone probably thinking the same, an uneasy silence stretched between then group. Trying to escape this situation, Miles put down his glass and turned his attention to Charlie and Nora. Not giving him a break, a new question was thrown at him. "So what's the plan?" Nora wanted to know.

"I gotta find out where they're keeping Danny. You guys stay here," Miles answered, knowing that this would be the easiest way to get out without anyone asking any questions.

The second he had said it however, he could see the objection in Charlie's eyes. Before Charlie had the chance to say anything, Nora cut in. "You can't go out on the street. What if somebody recognizes you?"

"They're my streets. Nobody knows them better than I do."

Charlie watched him as he moved silently through the room. "Be back in an hour"

Just when Miles was about to exit himself, Charlie's voice finally reached his ear. Instead of trying to hold him back, she simply said: "Hey. Be careful!"

"Come on. It's me!" Miles replied with a weak smile, before turning around and leaving the apartment.

* * *

There haven't been many situations in Miles' life, where his heart was close to stop beating, out of utter fear and desperation. And then, all of a sudden, he found himself in exact that kind of situation twice within 24 hours. First, when Charlie dropped – seemingly dead – to the ground right in front of his eyes, and then only mere hours later, when he finally came face to face with Sebastian Monroe.

Miles had feared that moment ever since they had started their little rescuing mission. And now that it was here, he knew exactly why he was so scared. Looking into Monroe's burning blue eyes, Miles' first instinct was to run up to him, wrap his brother in his arms and apologize for having abandoned him all those years ago.

Pictures of their childhood played like a movie between them. Bass chasing him alongside the little creek. Both of them drawing the M-tattoo on their arms, while sitting under _their_ tree. All these moments from their past, the experiences and adventures they faced together, rained down on them like a waterfall. And when grown-up Bass started promising to let his family live, offering his forgiveness so freely, Miles had a hard time remembering why he was there in the first place.

As Miles stared intently at Monroe, another set of similar, fierce blue eyes popped up in his head and his arm started shaking. _Charlie_. Danny. His family. That was the reason why he was there. And it was the reason why Bass needed to die. Because he has made them all suffer so much and Monroe would not hesitate for one moment to let them suffer even more, he had no doubt about that.

Miles saw his best friend's heart breaking, his shoulders slumping and with it another tiny part of Miles own heart broke. He used to love that person standing in front of him more than he ever loved Ben. There were times, when he would have given his life for Bass in the blink of an eye. But when he looked at him now, he didn't see that person any more.

When the first blow came, the last remaining doubts to kill Monroe were destroyed. Their friendship was gone for good, the bond of their brotherhood broken beyond repair. Never would they be able to go back to how things were before, for they were enemies at last.

When Jeremy and his companions came, Miles knew that he had to leave or he wouldn't make it out alive. He looked at Monroe one last time, silently saying goodbye to everything they once had, knowing that the next time they found themselves in such a situation he would kill Monroe for real.

Jumping out of the window, Miles fell onto a small roof terrace. Getting up as quickly as he could, he hurried down the fire ladder and already saw the smoke evaporating over the ground, leading straight to a hole in the wall. Quickly scanning the near area, Miles looked for any sign of his friends and only when he was sure that they hopefully had all escaped through the wall, did he take his legs into his hands, running as fast as he could and leaving the past behind once and for all.

In the far distance, he could already hear screams and the sound of guns being loaded. Speeding up another notch, he finally reached the hole and jumped right through it. His heart skipped a beat as he unexpectedly saw Charlie standing there, the most radiant smile spreading over her face when she spotted him.

Before Miles could even enjoy that beautiful sight, he screamed "Run, you idiot!", grabbed her by the arm and pulled her along with him.

Just as Miles and Charlie finally caught up with the rest of the group, a sound so foreign, even to the adults' ears, made them stop dead in their tracks. In slow motion, the helicopter arose from behind the wall. Miles' eyes were immediately fixed on the machine gun rotating. It took him a moment to snap out of it but when he did, his deep voice hollered over the plain: "LET'S MOVE! NOW!"

How they made it out alive, Miles had no idea. When the bullets came raining down on them, it was a miracle no one was hit. Just when they were about to reach that little piece of forest, the flying monster veered off to the east. Miles stopped for a second to lift his head, looking after the helicopter in surprise.

"The radius of the amplifier probably won't reach that much further..." Rachel suggested, her voice sending a shiver down his spine. For the first time, Miles realized that Rachel actually was alive and with them. Not wanting to think about Rachel and all those unanswered questions any further, Miles started walking again.

"We need to keep moving. Monroe's troops will come looking for us soon..."

Aaron and Danny stood leaning against the nearest tree, trying to catch their breaths, but Miles didn't care. If they didn't get away from there soon, they were sure to get nowhere. "We can rest after we've put a few miles between us and Monroe," Miles just said, without looking back.

* * *

"What are we going to do now?"

Charlie had kept her distance for a little while, after Miles had walked off without any sign of wanting company. After they had been walking for more than three hours, Charlie having lost every sense of orientation, she finally caught up with Miles.

"We run and then we hide," Miles replied.

"Are you serious?" Charlie looked at him confused but Miles just kept on walking.

"Yes, Charlie, I'm serious. Since Monroe has that pendant now we need to get as far away as possible."

"We can't let him have it then," Charlie suggested, struggling with the indifference that Miles showed. She hadn't seen him that distant and withdrawn since they had started on their little quest.

"God, Charlie. Your naivety sometimes really hurts… What do you suggest we do? Just walk right back in, stealing the pendant from him?"

For a few seconds, Charlie didn't know what to say, his cruel words cutting her deep.

"We'll come up with a plan. We always do," Charlie replied a few moments later.

"Charlie…."

"Come on, Miles. We can't just abandon everyone to his or her fate."

"WE? _I_ can do whatever I damn well please, Charlie. I thought you knew me by now," Miles replied coldly.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Charlie asked, roughly grabbing his arm to make him look at her. And he did. But what she saw there made her retreat. _Where was Miles? And what did they do to him?_

Miles was in no mood to talk. He was no talker and never had been one, until Charlie had entered his life. She always needed to talk about everything! And while he would agree that sometimes it actually felt really really nice (_better than nice actually_) to have someone you could confide in, right in this moment he just wanted to be alone.

When Miles didn't answer, Charlie talked again, not giving up so easily. "Are you okay?"

"No, Charlie, I'm not okay," Miles hissed, "I faced Monroe, again. And I couldn't kill him, again. And above all that, he now has that freaking pendant. So no, I'm really not okay."

As if to prove his point, he harshly withdrew his arm from her grasp, looking straight ahead again.

"Miles."

"Charlie, please. Just leave. Me. Alone."

"I'm sorry," Charlie mumbled, deciding that it probably was best to just give him some time.

Miles knew he was hurting her and he hated it with all his heart, yet there was nothing he could do about it in that moment. Was it too damn much to ask for to get a little time and space to clear his head?

* * *

They walked for another two hours in total silence. Shortly before sunset, they crossed paths with the Delaware River, following it for another few miles, until the countryside became slightly hilly on their side of the river. When they run across a rather huge rock spur, the little group decided that this would be the place to rest for the night, even though Miles would have loved to go on, since any unpleasant conversations could be avoided then. But Danny, with Rachel at his side, was limping more and more with every step they took, Aaron and Nora looked beat and Charlie still needed to properly recover from her concussion.

Nora built a fire in their little cave-like accommodation, while Rachel and Charlie tended to Danny's wounds.

"What did those bastards do to you?" Charlie whispered angrily, as she wiped away the blood from her brother's face. While the anger bubbled inside of her, she also felt beyond relieved to finally have Danny with her again. And Charlie should probably feel even more relieved as she looked over to Rachel but she had yet to accept the fact that her mother was still alive. Had been alive all that time, while she had laid in bed, crying her eyes out.

"I… Let's not talk about it right now, okay? I'm just so happy that we're all together again." Charlie could understand why her brother didn't want to talk, so she just smiled at him, nodding sympathetically.

A little while later, after Charlie had finished putting a band-aid on Danny's cracked lipped, Rachel in the meantime having bandaged up his right knee, the three of them sat back, leaning against the stonewall of their shelter. Charlie watched Nora and Aaron, as they sat close to the fire, barbecuing two little rabbits that Miles had brought back from his hunt. Miles himself was sitting at the river, a few feet away from them, staring into the darkness.

How Charlie would have loved to go over to him, sitting down right next to him to hold his hand. But of course that was not possible, with everyone around and Charlie knew better than to try and talk to him again, even if she was convinced that he would have felt better afterwards. Trying not to think about that… complicated man any longer, she finally turned her attention towards Rachel, asking the one question she had been dying to ask for hours now.

"Mom? How are you still alive?"

* * *

_A/N: Yesssss… I'm going to leave it there (and not just because I have to be at the movies in about one hour (HOBBIT-TIME *yay*)). But don't you agree that his is a good spot to end a chapter? If you share my opinion, just let me know, okay? And if not and you wanna kill me (not that that little cliffy is worth going to jail for :P), you just have to hit the little button below and *coughreviewcough* little arrows will hit me._


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: That one… Was actually really really hard to write. My poor babies… I don't wanna make them suffer… And yet, I can't help it. I hope you'll still enjoy it :)_

_And again: a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge thank you for your reviews! I seriously couldn't do this without you!_

* * *

**Chapter 5**

* * *

It had been very quiet already but with Charlie's question even the swoosh of the river seemed to fall silent.

Charlie looked at her mom questioningly, waiting for an answer. There were so many things she wanted to ask, needed to know. But for now, she would be happy to just understand this all but impossible situation. Didn't she and Danny deserve that much?

"Do we have to talk about that now?" Rachel replied carefully, averting Charlie's eyes. Charlie looked at her mother dumbfounded.

"No, you guys know what? Let's not talk. Let's just hush it up and bottle it up inside until it doesn't hurt anymore. That's exactly what'll help us to move on. You're totally right."

Halfway through her little speech, her gaze wandered to Miles who still sat with his back to her, his whole body stiff and tense.

"I'm going for a walk," Charlie said weakly, getting up from the ground with an easy jump.

Rachel reached out, just in time to wrap her hand around Charlie's arm. "Charlie, wait!"

Carefully but determined, Charlie withdrew her arm, moving away. "No, really, it's okay, I get it! You do whatever you think is right for you and I do whatever I think is right for me. And that is taking a walk now. God forbid, I'd disturb you all in your brooding." At the last sentence, she looked at Miles again, who still sat unmoving on the ground. Without another word, Charlie threw her crossbow over her shoulder and went into the woods.

Walking alongside the water, she tried to take deep breaths to calm down her nerves. What the hell was wrong with those people? Anyone doubting that they all came from the same family could just shut up now.

That Miles didn't want to speak to her, that he needed time to recover from everything that went down that day, she understood and accepted. But Danny? And her mom? When they haven't seen each other in months, respectively years? How difficult could it be to explain what had happened to them?

Charlie only moved a couple of meters farther way, deciding that she should probably stay within screaming distance of the group. Finding a nice little spot near the river, she sat down, her shoes almost touching the water. Involuntarily, her thoughts wandered back to Miles. Whatever had happened to him back in Philly, it had changed him. Miles had been his normal, witty self when he had rescued Danny and herself from the soldier. And then, mere minutes later he had become that distanced, cruel person. After everything they had shared, he still deliberately hurt her. Or was it because of the things had shared that it hurt so much now?

Whatever Monroe, or who ever else, did to _her_ Miles, one day that person would pay for it. As she promised that to herself, the blonde, curly-haired man with his piercing blue eyes flashed through her mind.

Meeting Monroe at the power plant for the first time had been... strange. She had heard all those horrific stories about him, saw with her own eyes the evil things he did to innocent people. And yet, as Monroe eyed her curiously, intrigued by everything she had said and done, and even when he threatened to kill her and Danny, he didn't look half as dangerous as she had imagined.

With a heavy sigh, Charlie closed her eyes and leaned back against a mossy rock, wishing that her brain would just stop working for once in her life.

* * *

With a start, Charlie was awoken by strong hands shaking her, a rough, _yet oh so familiar_ voice calling to her. "Charlie, wake up!"

Her heart was hammering in her chest, sweat breaking out on her forehead. "What the hell?"

Charlie's eyes tried to adjust to the darkness, as night had fallen around her. "Do you want to give me a heart attack or what?" Charlie railed at Miles after finally regaining her composure.

„I could ask you the same question! We've been searching for you for over half an hour. Your mom is worried sick!" Miles hissed angrily at her, yet there was no denying that he also sounded relieved. Releasing her shoulders, he sat back on his heels.

"I told you guys that I was going for a walk," Charlie defended herself, returning Miles' gaze determined.

"But you didn't say anything about falling asleep and staying away for two hours," he replied, "I was really worried."

After a moment of silence, Charlie replied. "Why do you even care?"

"What do you mean?" Miles asked, his face softening a little. Charlie looked back at him, searching for that familiar glint in his eyes. She was relieved to still find it there, even though it was barely visible. Before they could get swept up in another moment, Charlie stood up.

"Forget it. Let's get back to the others."

"Wait, Charlie. I need to tell you something…" Miles tried to stop her but this time it was Charlie who didn't want to talk. Whatever had developed between them those last few weeks, maybe it would be wiser to just forget about it. Charlie couldn't stand getting hurt by Miles again. He had said and done too many things to bruise her heart, and even though he had tried – and succeeded – in making up for it, what had happened a few hours before just showed her that Miles already had much more power over her than she'd like to admit.

Walking straight ahead, Charlie didn't wait for Miles and was almost back at the camp, when he caught up with her. Reaching the rock spur with Miles at her side, Charlie could hear the relieved sighs of the entire group. "Where the hell have you been," were Rachel's greeting words. "Never take off like that again!"

"I'm not a child anymore, mom. So stop ordering me around," Charlie said, standing her ground.

"You are still _my_ child," Rachel returned and was rewarded with a half-hearted laugh as Charlie made her way over to the fire.

"What is that laugh supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

"No, come on. Say it," Rachel encouraged her daughter.

"There's nothing to say. You didn't wanna talk. Now I don't wanna talk," Charlie replied snippily and didn't even understand why she gave her mom such a hard time. Charlie was sure that Rachel would have her reasons for not wanting to talk. But she was her daughter for God's sake. She was the one not being able to sleep through the night for eight damn years because she had to look after Danny, she was the one who had to take care of him, to look after him and to raise him. She _deserved _an answer.

"Are you mad at me because I didn't answer your question?"

"Yes, mom, that is _exactly_ why I'm mad at you. Don't you understand? We have _grieved_ you. I lay awake so many nights, crying and screaming for my mommy. And then I lay awake even more nights just so I could make sure Danny was still breathing. I took care of him for eight years, and I did it gladly don't get me wrong, but it still would have been nice to having had my mother with me along the way. I was just a child myself! Do you even understand how I felt like when the militia took Danny? To have dad dying in my arms? If it hadn't been for Miles-"

Before Charlie could finish the sentence, Rachel cut in. "Okay. I get it. You know, I just wanted to be the mom here. I thought that you had already been through enough and didn't need to worry about any of my stuff. Because that's what parents do. But if you're so keen on hearing my story, so be it," Rachel said with an edge to her voice, before she fell silent for a few seconds, looking around. Charlie watched her mom and felt momentarily confused, when Rachel's eyes came to rest on Miles.

He returned her gaze silently, his face sinking in. "Miles? Do you want to start that little story?"

Not believing her ears, Charlie looked at Miles incredulously, her heart being ripped into tiny pieces. What did her mom mean? What could Miles possibly have to do with all of this?

When Miles' locked eyes with Charlie, and she saw the apologetic and helpless glance, it felt like someone pulled the rug right out from under her.

"I...," taking a deep breath, Miles sat down right opposite of Charlie. After a few moments of pondering silence, he started again. "Bass… That is… Monroe and I have known each other since we were toddlers. Your grandparents and his parents were neighbors and best friends. So we grew up together, spent hours and hours playing games, planning our future, day in and day out. Until about seven years ago… There hasn't passed a day that Monroe and I spent apart. We went to school together, graduated from college, served side by side in the army. I was there when he wanted to kill himself, after his family died. We were brothers in the truest sense…" Miles' gaze never wavered from hers. "About ten years before the black out, your dad invited Bass and me to dinner. He had said he wanted us to meet someone. After we left your dad's place that night, Bass couldn't stop talking about your mom. I've never seen him so… smitten with anyone. Whenever we were on break from the military, the four of us met up at least two or three times…"

Charlie couldn't believe what she was hearing. Looking at her mom, she tried find some sign of reassurance. But instead, her mother stared at the ground, not meeting Charlie's gaze. Slowly, her eyes wandered back to Miles.

"After the black out… Bass and I, we… We just went off the rails. The more power we got… The worse we both became. We were young and stupid. Not that that is an excuse, of course… Anyway. After the Monroe Republic was established… And we started recruiting the first soldiers for the militia, we really felt like nothing could ever stop us. We were both striving for more and more power. And then one day, I was out in the field training my soldiers, Monroe came visiting… Asking of me the one thing that I should have refused. Your mother."

"And… so… you sent for her?" Charlie stuttered, trying to make sense of the words she was hearing. "You took her away from us? From me?"

The emotions inside of Charlie were slowly tearing her to pieces. She wanted to get up and run far far away. Or maybe she could just jump into the river and see where it'd take her? And if she'd drown, that wouldn't have been so bad either in that moment. She wanted to hit something, destroy, _kill_. Maybe slapping Miles would have given her satisfaction? And yet, while she sat there, pondering her options, she couldn't move, her limbs as heavy as lead.

"It was the worst decision I've ever made. Not a day goes by where I don't regret what I did. Not just with your mom, but the whole damn thing! I barely recognized myself anymore. Believe me…"

"Believe you? How the hell am I supposed to _ever_ believe _anything_ you say again? You… I… We… I mean… God…"

* * *

And just when Miles had thought that this day couldn't possibly get any worse, the look on Charlie's face almost did him in for good. The heart in his chest, whatever tiny piece still had been there, was squeezed with an iron fist, before it was slowly and painfully yanked out of his body. The only good thing Miles had in his life, the only person he could actually picture being at his side in the future, his key for redemption, that tiny flicker of hope, it all was destroyed by the look of that utterly lost and broken woman right in front of him.

_What was he supposed to do now?_ What he _wanted _to do was to go over and take her into his arms. He wanted to embrace her, hold her, keep her from falling further down into that endless, black, hole. And the thought that he might never again be able to do just that, to hold her close to his chest, to see her smile at him, to wake up next to her, to _kiss_ her, made a single tear roll down his cheek.

"About…" Miles started again, swiping the tear away quickly and deciding that he should probably just get it over with. _How much worse could it get now?_ "About a year after that day on which I handed your mom over to Monroe… He killed an innocent _boy _without thinking twice about it… And that opened my eyes. It was like a slap in the face, pulling me harshly back to reality. It was that day that I decided to leave… That was also the day I couldn't pull the trigger. So I had to get away. I wanted to grab your mom and run. But…" Another moment of silence stretched between them. They were all holding their breaths, and everyone for themselves decided that this was the absolute awkward and worst situation they had ever been in.

"Maybe you should continue now, Rachel? 'Cause I absolutely have no idea what happened then…," Miles finally finished, his voice throaty and dry.

Rachel hesitated for a moment. "Do you really want to hear more?"

Miles saw Charlie nod and braced himself for what was to come.

"Okay… So… The reason why I couldn't leave was Bass…" Rachel stopped as Charlie flinched at the word.

"Did he… hurt you?"

"No, Charlie… It wasn't like that…" Charlie eyed her mother piercingly but again, Rachel didn't return her gaze. "Bass and I… He… always treated me well… We had an understanding of sorts. I'd stay with him and would take care of you and Ben and Danny. He respected that. At least in the beginning. After Miles betrayed him… I mean… After Miles left… Bass never really recovered from that shock. His methods became a little… harsher. He wanted to know about the power, why it went out and how he could turn it back on. I never really told him anything and while… things happened, I could still live in a comfortable room, read whatever books I liked and got to eat what I wanted. Sometimes he was really nice – if you could call him that – and kept me company without any hidden agendas. But after he killed Ben and captured Danny… I no longer had a choice but to cooperate… Which is why he now has the pendant and an amplifier…"

Miles' mind was blank, probably just like everyone else's. This was, hands down, the worst day of his life. How they were supposed to go on from here, he had absolutely no idea. He should probably leave. That would be best for them all. But especially for Charlie. Sitting there, looking at her shaking form, he remembered exactly why he shouldn't have let things go so far between them in the first place. He was a monster and he never should have hoped to be something else.

"Is that all?" Charlie wanted to know and she sounded so broken and tired, that Miles would have gladly died if it would take the sorrow away from her.

"Yes…" Rachel began but quickly changed her mind. „No… Actually… There is one more thing…"

* * *

_A/N: Oh boy… What might that _one more thing_ be… Hmmm… Anyone wants to take any guesses? _

_I hope you'll all have an amazing weekend! You know what would make my weekend REALLY amazing? Feedback from all of you awesome peeps! Thank you, thank you, thank you! _


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